From over 100 bedrooms I’ve seen as a feng shui consultant, only a handful truly supported a balanced, vibrant flow of love and intimacy. The bedroom is often the most overlooked room in the home—yet, feng shui-wise, it is the most important.

Below is a “how-to” guide you should absolutely never follow… unless, of course, your goal is to sabotage your love life.

Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: Ask yourself—do you really want to go there?

1. Turn Your Bedroom Into a Home Office

Fill every surface with papers, folders, sticky notes, and unpaid bills. Bonus points for adding broken electronics—just in case your working computer fails and you suddenly need the old one.

2. Add Exercise Equipment

Nothing says romance like a treadmill or a Peloton staring at you from across the room. Let your bedroom double as a gym—it will definitely “energize” your love life… just not in the way you want.

3. Install a TV—The Bigger, The Better

Mount it as close to the bed as possible. Wind down each night with at least 30 minutes of news before sleep. Stress and overstimulation are key ingredients here.

4. Surround Yourself With Family Photos

Display photos of everyone—parents, grandparents, extended family, friends. Let them all “watch over” your relationship.

5. Store Memories of Your Exes Under the Bed

Tuck them tightly underneath—letters, gifts, photos. The less breathing room under the bed, the better. Then add a little more, just to be sure.

6. Choose Dark, Dreary Colors

Go for heavy, somber tones. For contrast, incorporate random pops of seasonal décor—Halloween works especially well.

7. Bring in Dying Plants

Fill your bedroom with struggling greenery in mismatched or chipped pots. Place them where you’ll see them first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

8. Push the Bed Into a Corner

Skip symmetry—who needs two bedside tables? Squeeze the bed against the wall and top it off with a single, cheerful decorative pillow (bonus if it faces the door).

9. Block Natural Light & Fresh Air

Keep windows closed and curtains drawn. Let the air go stale. After all, your energy has nothing to do with your environment… right?

And finally—

A pair of Mandarin ducks is all you need to fix everything. Just place them somewhere (anywhere!), and your soulmate will appear instantly. Effortless. Foolproof. Magical.

…Or is it?

“In reality, your bedroom should be a sanctuary—balanced, sensual, and supportive of connection. But that’s a conversation for another post.”

How To Create a Bedroom to Ruin Your Love Life: Bad Feng Shui Tips for Love